Okay, so my latest blog-entry was pretty much depressing, because when I wrote it, I was pretty much depressed. I failed to include any details as to the source of my soul's torment at the time because I was still struggling with it, and I have a tendency to hide my problems from my friends. I will now indulge you all in an explanation as to my current distress.
I have always wanted to go to college out of state. Since I was little, I remember thinking that as soon as I was able I was going to get out of here and see the world for what it really is. I was going to throw myself into an entirely alien situation, surrounded by strangers in a strange land (*grins*) in order to challenge myself and see what I was really made of.
A few months ago, that dream became a reality. I was accepted into Purdue University in Indiana. Hazey hopes now became plans. I started to gather necessities. I arranged for housing. I told everyone I would soon be leaving them all, and I began to get used to this idea. I would love the chance to be pen pals with some of my dearest friends, and I felt like it would be a good situation all around: I would make fantastic new friends and perhaps strengthen the bond with a few old friends over the 1,000 miles from Utah to Indiana. Despite minor feelings of remorse at leaving everyone behind, I was completely estatic to be having my own adventure.
Then Real Life whacked me on the head with the blunt end of a chainsaw.
I found out that I had received the Heritage Scholarship at Brigham Young University. This meant that I would receive full tuition for four years of my education. With that in mind, I realized that if I attended Purdue, even if I qualified for the loans I would be $100,000 in debt by the time I graduated. And if I was planning on being a teacher, there's little chance I'd EVER be able to pay that off. My entire future family would have to live under the weight of that debt.
And thus, my dream was yanked out from under me.
I know it may not seem like a big deal to you guys. Yes, BYU is a fantastic school. Yes, a full-tuition scholarship is a wonderful thing. Yes, I'll be able to attend all my friend's mission farewells, and keep the rest of my friends close. Yes, I'll be 20 minutes away from my family, and I can visit whenever I run out of money for food. Yes, these are all perfectly good reasons to be excited that I'm going to BYU.
(*looks down, embarrassed and ashamed*)
But I wanted so badly to have an adventure.
And say what you want about the thrilling adventures I'll have in ZoobieLand, but it's not the same.
And I am disappointed.
I have always wanted to go to college out of state. Since I was little, I remember thinking that as soon as I was able I was going to get out of here and see the world for what it really is. I was going to throw myself into an entirely alien situation, surrounded by strangers in a strange land (*grins*) in order to challenge myself and see what I was really made of.
A few months ago, that dream became a reality. I was accepted into Purdue University in Indiana. Hazey hopes now became plans. I started to gather necessities. I arranged for housing. I told everyone I would soon be leaving them all, and I began to get used to this idea. I would love the chance to be pen pals with some of my dearest friends, and I felt like it would be a good situation all around: I would make fantastic new friends and perhaps strengthen the bond with a few old friends over the 1,000 miles from Utah to Indiana. Despite minor feelings of remorse at leaving everyone behind, I was completely estatic to be having my own adventure.
Then Real Life whacked me on the head with the blunt end of a chainsaw.
I found out that I had received the Heritage Scholarship at Brigham Young University. This meant that I would receive full tuition for four years of my education. With that in mind, I realized that if I attended Purdue, even if I qualified for the loans I would be $100,000 in debt by the time I graduated. And if I was planning on being a teacher, there's little chance I'd EVER be able to pay that off. My entire future family would have to live under the weight of that debt.
And thus, my dream was yanked out from under me.
I know it may not seem like a big deal to you guys. Yes, BYU is a fantastic school. Yes, a full-tuition scholarship is a wonderful thing. Yes, I'll be able to attend all my friend's mission farewells, and keep the rest of my friends close. Yes, I'll be 20 minutes away from my family, and I can visit whenever I run out of money for food. Yes, these are all perfectly good reasons to be excited that I'm going to BYU.
(*looks down, embarrassed and ashamed*)
But I wanted so badly to have an adventure.
And say what you want about the thrilling adventures I'll have in ZoobieLand, but it's not the same.
And I am disappointed.
6 comments:
GAH! Gros, I promise I'm not like: "Heh heh heh. She has to stay with us..." I feel awful about it and if I had money I'd push all of it at you (forcibly) and make you go somewhere far away.
In all kindness.
Uhm...
Don't worry, no one can want an adventure as badly as you do and not get it. :) I promise. Just work hard.
Wow. I had no idea. I'm sorry. Mostly I'm sorry for being happy that you'll still be here! We shall play tomorrow in sewing. :)
This is zero help, but I say you make an adventure of BYU.
For example, always carry a safari hat and machete, and make a game of not getting married. Everytime a bush or tree starts whispering "marriage", you can wack the crap out of it. And pray there aren't actual people whispering marriage from the bushes. That might be a trick to explain to the cops.
I'm warning you though, few ever survive such a safari at BYU.
Especially girls as good looking as yourself.
Still- thats a start to an adventure.
Of course, there's always study abroad....
(ps. college is complete rubbish anyways. You'll pick a career, and hate it someday anyways. Make a jolly time of whatever time you have, wherever you are, and live it up. Or at least, that's my vote.)
(first off, I'm catching up on everybody's blogs cause I'm a scumbag, so sorry this is so late)
Aww man, I'm still sorry about your plight, but at the same time I'm PSYCHED that you get to stay.
Also, don't worry, I promise we'll go on at least one big adventure. I was thinking of going to visit my uncle in Boston during a semester break. Maybe you want to come with?
Really? As in Seriously? As in this isn't some cruel joke to mock my pathetic existence?
(*ponders*)
Cool.... :)
Of course not! Why would I want to mock your existence when mine is just as pathetic!
Silly.
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