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Saturday, November 30, 2013

Goodbye to Twenty Two

I turned twenty-three yesterday. It was nice to have my birthday immediately after Thanksgiving; I didn't have to go to work or school, and the house was full of pie. But as I get older, it's easy for birthdays to become . . . well, unexciting. There are no naturally-recognizable landmarks anymore. So I decided I had to go looking for them myself.

First, I had to look back at twenty-two. Did anything exciting happen in the last year? Well, let's look:
  • I had my first 4.0 semester
  • I shaved my head to support my sister
  • I left my job at the MTC
  • I was given the opportunity to serve in the Relief Society presidency in my ward.
  • I got a new job with BYU catering
  • I took (and passed) the Praxis - certifying me as a qualified teacher
  • I received my student teaching license
  • I finally saw "Ender's Game" - which book I have loved for at least a decade.
  • I was approved for graduation in April
  • I learned how to cook!
That's quite a lot to be getting on with, don't you think? Who could have predicted that five years ago, when I was just getting ready to graduate from high school? There are still quite a few landmarks I would have expected to have passed by now, but there's time for them yet. I can't worry about the past; I have to keep moving forward. Which brings us to what I can expect in my 24th year:
  • I will student-teach for twelve weeks
  • I will graduate from college with my BA
  • And then . . . .
Oh my goodness. I have no idea what's coming.

Monday, November 18, 2013

A Paper I Wrote for School

Joseph Smith and Ebenezer Scrooge
“And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of [God].”
(Moses 6:63)

            In the year 1843, a young man published a novella he had written in celebration of his favorite season; he called it A Christmas Carol. This was not, by any means, his first publication. Charles Dickens, 31-years-old at the time, was already a highly successful author. But something about this Christmas tale caught the imagination of Victorian England and solidified his place in literary history. Nearly two hundred years later, the story is still inextricably linked to the holiday season; there is no one in the Western world who does not know the name Ebenezer Scrooge.

            The story itself is not overly complex. A wicked man – Scrooge – is confronted by the ghost of his dead business partner, who chastens him and sends him on a spiritual journey (pun intended) in hopes that he will change his ways. Such moralistic tales were not uncommon, so the theme of repentance is unremarkable.

            What is remarkable is that Charles Dickens wrote a novella about a man receiving four Spiritual visitations at almost the exact same time that Joseph Smith was writing the same story. The tale of Joseph Smith’s first encounters with the angel Moroni (found in our Pearl of Great Price under the title Joseph Smith – History) differs from Dickens’s in significant ways. But the ways in which they are similar testify to the existence of God and to the active role He plays in our mortal sphere.

            The most significant difference between the stories is, of course, that Joseph Smith’s account is purported to have truly occurred, while Dickens’s is clearly a work of fiction. However, the emphasis that our Savior Himself put upon story-telling during His earthly ministry (most notably with the use of parables) suggests that we ought not to dismiss a story simply because it is fiction. A made-up story and an untrue story are completely separate things; some of the greatest truths have been communicated to us in the way of myths and legends for centuries. With that in mind, let us give careful consideration to the two tales of Spiritual intervention which we see here.

            First, let us consider the similarities. Ebenezer Scrooge and Joseph Smith were each paid a visit by a man long-dead. For Scrooge it was his partner, Jacob Marley; for Joseph, it was a stranger, the Nephite Moroni. It is important to note that Moroni was (according to LDS doctrine) a resurrected being, a spirit reunited with its body. Marley, we assume, was merely an incorporeal ghost – however, Marley and the other ghosts have some tangibility: Marley is capable of sitting down (Dickens 19), the Ghost of Christmas Past can grab Scrooge and pull him to the window (34), and Scrooge catches “the spectral hand” of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come (110). For this reason, I will be referring to all of the non-mortal visitors as Spirits (with a capital “s”), recognizing that the name means something more than a simple ghost.

            As I was saying, both Scrooge and Joseph were visited by a Spirit who had a personal message for him. For each man, this was only the first of what would turn out to be four visits – Scrooge being visited by a different Spirit each time, while Joseph’s visits were always conducted by Moroni. In each case, the Spiritual visits left the mortals feeling exhausted and drained of energy. Joseph says that on the morning after his third encounter with the angel Moroni, “my strength entirely failed me, and I fell helpless on the ground, and for a time was quite unconscious of anything” (JS-H 1:48). Compare that statement to Dickens’s description of Scrooge, after his evening spent with the Ghost of Christmas Past: “He was conscious of being exhausted, and over-come by an irresistible drowsiness, and, further, of being in his own bedroom. He . . . had barely time to reel to bed before he sank into a heavy sleep” (Dickens 53). Each of these accounts independently testifies to the physically exhausting nature of encounters with immortal beings.

            Another similarity may be found in the descriptions each writer provides for the Spirits themselves. Joseph’s depiction of the angel Moroni is quite detailed:

He had on a loose robe of most exquisite whiteness. It was a whiteness beyond anything earthly I had ever seen; nor do I believe that any earthly thing could be made to appear so exceedingly white and brilliant. His hands were naked, and his arms also, a little about the wrist; so, also, were his feet naked, as were his legs, a little above the ankles. His head and neck were also bare. I could discover that he had no other clothing on but this robe, as it was open, so that I could see into his bosom. . . . The room was exceedingly bright, but not so very much as immediately around his person. (JS-H 1:31)

            No single Spirit from A Christmas Carol exactly matches this description. But there are fragments here and there – so similar they seem to be an echo of Joseph’s account. Moroni’s bright countenance is seen mirrored by Charles Dickens’s Ghost of Christmas Past:

It wore a tunic of the purest white; and round its waist was bound a lustrous belt, the sheen of which was beautiful. . . . But the strangest thing about it was that from the crown of its head there sprung a bright, clear jet of light, by which all this was visible. (Dickens 32)

Perhaps even more eerie is Dickens’s description of the clothing worn by the Ghost of Christmas Present. He explains that the Spirit wore a simple robe: “This garment hung so loosely on the figure that its capacious breast was bare, as if disdaining to be warded or concealed by an artifice. Its feet, observable beneath the ample folds of the garment, were also bare” (58). The similarities in these depictions – from the brightness of the personage to the bareness of his feet – are too close to be dismissed as coincidence. If Joseph Smith’s account is to be taken as fact, then Charles Dickens’s book has more truth than fantasy can account for.

            In fact, there is a passage in A Christmas Carol which almost reads as a reference to Joseph’s visit from Moroni. During Marley’s visit, as Scrooge grows more and more uncomfortable with the chastening he’s receiving, he cries out, “Speak comfort to me, Jacob!” To which Marley replies, “I have none to give . . . . It comes from other regions, Ebenezer Scrooge, and is conveyed by other ministers, to other kinds of men” (Dickens 22). Could Moroni be one of these “other ministers”? Could Joseph, the boy prophet, be one of those “other kinds of men”?
 
            The content of the messages given to these two men is vastly different; Joseph is given commandments about a new mission upon which he must embark, while Scrooge is forced to reexamine his life and turn his whole philosophy around. However, their responses to the messages are very much the same. Both of them are bewildered by the first visit, softening their hearts slowly over the course of the evening; until eventually each of them is determined to follow the guidance given and change his life entirely.

            Joseph – already predisposed to obey God – still requires all four visits before he’s ready to act. After the first visit, he says, “I lay musing on the singularity of the scene, and marveling greatly at what had been told to me by this extraordinary messenger” (JS-H 1:44); after the second, he says, “so deep were the impressions made on my mind, that sleep had fled from my eyes, and I lay overwhelmed in astonishment at what I had both seen and heard” (JS-H 1:46). It isn’t until after the fourth visit from Moroni that Joseph finally goes to the Hill Cumorah to retrieve the ancient plates he was called to translate.

            Scrooge’s development over the course of the visits is more dramatic, if only because his heart had so much more softening it needed to go through. When he first is approached by Marley’s Spirit, he is utterly disbelieving, claiming that the vision is a trick of his senses caused by food poisoning. “There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!” he says (Dickens 20). When the second visitor, the Ghost of Christmas Past, beckons for Scrooge to come with him out the window, Scrooge is still hesitant, arguing, “I am a mortal . . . and liable to fall” (34). By the time he gets to the next Spirit, he has humbled significantly: “Spirit, conduct me where you will. . . . If you have aught to teach me, let me profit by it” (59). When he meets up with the final Spirit, his heart has completely changed: “I fear you [Spirit] more than any specter I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was, I am prepared to bear your company and do it with a thankful heart” (90). When he returns to the world of ordinary mortals, Scrooge goes immediately to work making up for a lifetime of selfishness.

            This is where we find the most important truth in these stories – whether real or mythical. That truth is found as an answer to Scrooge’s bewildered question (Dickens 20): “Why do spirits walk the Earth, and why do they come to me?” The answer, the truth, is that God lives and is active in the lives of His children; that He sends immortal messengers to give guidance and warning; and that we, on Earth, may experience the transforming power of His grace, that we may shout with Scrooge, “I am not the man I was” (110).

             The reality of redemption is the only truth that matters. Without it, all else is void. Charles Dickens’s seasonal novella A Christmas Carol bears record of that truth – and that, perhaps, is the reason why no man who reads the book ever forgets the journey.

Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Damsel and the Dragon

Today
I can't help but think
that
if ever a knight comes to rescue me
he'll be in for quite a shock.

He'll be expecting the usual:
damsel
stuck in a tower,
guarded by an evil dragon.
And he'll be
partially
right.

But
what he won't know
is that

I
am
the damsel
AND
the dragon.

And possibly the tower, too.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Thoughts from the Girl with the Shaved Head

It has now been a little over three months since I shaved my head to support my sister who was going through brain surgery. As I've already mentioned, it has not been an entirely smooth ride - every single person I've encountered has had something to say on the subject. During the first few weeks, my head never failed to generate a reaction. The responses were surprisingly varied:
  • Lots of little kids stared at me, to the chagrin of their parents - who usually were trying to look like they were ignoring me.
  • Several old ladies complimented me in the grocery store, saying that they loved my hair - "really!"
  • A nurse at the hospital tried to keep me from leaving, thinking I was one of the patients.
  • One of my sisters refused to look at me for days.
  • I was granted the honorary title of "Sister of the Year."
  • My boss nearly fired me.
  • Temple attendants mistook me for a man.
  • Other English majors congratulated me for challenging gender stereotypes.
  • People I don't even know were moved to shake my hand and praise me.
  • I was offered free haircuts (for the future), hats, and a wig.
  • Many, many people asked to rub my head. (And a few didn't even bother asking!)
Even when the attention has been positive, it's still draining. It feels sometimes as if I've unintentionally turned into some kind of representative. Everyone has taken it upon themselves to decide what my action means, and to make me the poster child for their chosen virtue/sin. I'm either shunned as a radical or praised as a hero. It has been truly overwhelming to try to negotiate social interactions when so many people have interpreted my motivations so disparately.

Why did I shave my head?

To support my sister. Or to shock people into reconsidering their definition of beauty. Or to keep men from asking me out. Or to show my disregard for societal demands of womanhood. Or to escape from the summer heat. Or to get attention. Or to expand my field of life experiences. Or to relieve myself from the pressures of doing my hair. Or to emulate women of strength. Or to explore my own identity. Or to check something off my bucket list. Or to prove I wasn't afraid to do it.

Maybe all of the above. Even I'm not exactly sure which.

What interests me more is why it matters so much to everyone else. It's MY head. Why should my follicle status be of such great import to other people?

For a long time, I really couldn't wrap my mind around this. I just couldn't understand why people would be so emotionally involved with my hair (or lack thereof). At first, I thought it was a socialized sexism - if women don't look like our definition of women, society crumbles. But then I realized that there was a bigger issue at the core of this debate, an issue that defies gender distinctions:

What is the morality of appearance?

Can your appearance, in and of itself, be either virtuous or sinful? There are a great many religions (including my own) that have a dress-code of some sort; and there are even more societies that have clear guidelines for what constitutes "decent" or even "legal" appearance. Whether you're talking about clothes, skin color, hair, piercings, accessories, tattoos, or even basic physical build, most people believe that some combinations of appearance are somehow "wrong." And they are generally not passive about those beliefs either.

They feel offended. They feel afraid. They feel assaulted somehow.

As a person who has felt the backlash of this attitude heavily and recently, I am tempted to reject this kind of philosophy. And I'm sure that there are many people (not the least of which are racial minorities) who have asked themselves the questions that haunted me during that first month: Who are you to decide whether my appearance makes me a good or a bad person? Why do you get to make rules about how I look? I'm not hurting you! Why should I be treated any differently just because I am different from you?

And yet . . . I am not guiltless in this. For one thing, I believe fervently that people should wear clothes in public. If I saw a person walking naked down the street, I would probably feel assaulted. How is that different? Can appearance really have that kind of an affect on other people? And if so, what is our responsibility towards others, with regards to appearance?

Was it wrong for me to shave my head?

This experience has given me so much to think about. As always, the more I delve into the questions, the more unanswers I find. All I know is that I did shave my head, and I am learning a lot from it. I even have the audacity to hope that other people are learning from it as well. But as to that . . . well . . .

Maybe you'd better ask my sister who stopped looking at me.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Germ Warfare at the MTC


"There are 150 missionaries under quarantine right now," my boss said, gravely.

It was 6:00am. Our little crew of freedom fighters custodians was gathered in the office, being debriefed on the situation. Apparently, the sickness many missionaries had been complaining to us about recently was more vicious than we had originally anticipated. And steps needed to be taken.

"It's our responsibility," she continued, "to do everything we can to keep these missionaries safe and healthy. If they're sick in bed, they aren't learning what they need to learn. With the 18- and 19-year-old missionaries coming in, everyone's MTC time is being cut shorter and shorter. Some of them are in here for only 12 days. They don't have time to be sick! We can't control everything, but we can control what goes on in these four buildings. So let's get to work!"

We got to work.

While the missionaries were all being instructed not to shake hands with anyone, not to hug their companions, not to touch their faces, etc. - we were being instructed on Virex, "our new best friend." Virex is an all-purpose disinfectant spray that we've used on occasion before, but now we'd be needing bottles and bottles of it. We were to disinfect everything - desks, doorknobs, handrails, light switches, keyboards, even the hand sanitizer units themselves. Every day until this epidemic passed, we would be on the front lines of this fight.

But it couldn't stop with us. The missionaries had to be personally responsible for their own health. So we set up Disinfectant Stations on each floor, next to the custodial closets. Each station had a bottle of Virex, a box of disposable gloves, a pile of rags, and a container of wipes. After we'd set everything up, we were supposed to go around to all the missionary classrooms and tell them about the situation.

But they already knew.

"We're the only ones left in our district," one elder said, pointing to his companion. "There used to be nine of us."

"Both my companions are already sick," another elder said.

Despite the worry on many faces, some missionaries refused to fret. They remained determinedly lighthearted.  "Are the custodians all freaking out because everyone's dying?" one elder asked us, laughing.

"It's like Doomsday and the apocalypse had a baby in here," a sister joked.

We were told it was only a flu. "They're not calling it a flu," our boss reported, rolling her eyes. "But it's vomiting and diarrhea, and I'm pretty sure it's the same bug I had two weeks ago." So we didn't worry overmuch. The missionaries might be miserably sick, but they'd be better soon enough. And anyway, 150 missionaries isn't that great a percentage of the MTC (which is designed to hold 4,000).

But still . . .

"Is that an ambulance?" I asked my partner, Macall, as a not-distant-enough siren's wail echoed into the stairwell where we were mopping.

Macall walked down to the second floor landing, where two large windows showed the entrance to the MTC. "Yup."

"Is it coming here?" I joked.

"Yup."

"What?!" I hurried down to the landing and stood beside her. We watched as an ambulance and a fire truck turned into the MTC and were directed by the security guards toward the parking lot. We looked at each other, unsure.

Near the end of our shift, the boss called us all into her office again. This time, all of us had new information, mostly gathered from the missionaries gossiping in our hallways. "They've all been told to leave class immediately if they feel sick," one girl said. "We already had a missionary throw up in his classroom," I reported. "One of the elders told me that 70 missionaries were taken to the emergency room over New Year's," someone else added. "Are we sure this is a flu?" someone asked, nervously.

Our boss admitted that she wasn't sure if it was a flu at all. The number of missionaries under quarantine now was over 300 - it had doubled during the four hours we'd been there. Whatever the disease was, it was spreading fast.

She told us that there had been a lot of meetings held about it already. Hundreds of people now were working on the issue, from lowly custodians like us to the suit-and-tie executives running the place. The germs might have a head start, but we were ready for them now.

We are fighting. And since the Lord's on our side, there's no question who will win the war.

It just might get a little ugly in the meantime.