SUCCESS!!

It is official. It is no longer a passing remark of dwindling hope. It is real.

I will be attending college out of state!

Yesterday I received my acceptance letter from Purdue University, Indiana. I haven't heard back from any of the other schools yet and I won't for a while, but it doesn't matter entirely. Despite the results of any of my other choices, I still will be leaving Utah to go to college.

I am SO excited!

I've been reading through the packets and brochures they sent me and Purdue is a fantastic place to live. Despite its academic value, it's also got a lot of great things about the surrounding area, the clubs, the culture . . . Anyone remember the Battle of Tippecanoe? American History? Yeah, the battleground and memorial is right off the Purdue Campus. It's pretty sweet.

. . .

Sorry. It's still not quite registering in my head. I mean, think about it. It's March tomorrow, right? March, April, May, June, July, August. In six months, I will be gone. Away from everything and everyone I've ever known. Starting from scratch in a place 1,300 miles from home.

...Actually, it's pretty terrifying. I don't know if I can do it. Everyone else, all of my friends, will be here, able to go see each other on the weekends if they want to, or to go to a party or a movie together. Who will I have over there? What if I can't handle it? What if I collapse under the pressures of college and I don't even have a friend to fret to? I've never lived outside of Utah in my life! Who knows what will happen?

(*sighs*)

Well, I guess I'm still really glad to have been accepted. (*smiles grimly*) After all, not every Senior at Springville High can say they even applied out of state. So, all in all, I suppose life is good.




Oh, and Logan? If you're out there, thanks for the message you left on my cell phone. It was sweet. And it made me wish I HAD been awake at quarter to one in the morning. If I'd have known you were going to call, I would have waited up for it.

It's beginning to look a lot like SPRINGTIME!

I LOVE the weather right now! It's warm, the sun is out, the snow is melting...what's not to like?

Also, I should be getting my class ring in the next week. This whole thing turned out to be more complicated than necessary. But still, very worth it.

My sister is drumline-ing in Roy today. I hope she has fun. And doesn't get eaten by some crazy tuba player.

Homework is silly. Don't do it.

Graduation is coming closer all the time, and I can't decide if I want it to come sooner or later.

College is over-rated, I've decided. Also, my wallet may have had a voice in the decision-making.

HI EVERYONE!

Singing Time

In case any of you were wondering, substituting for the Music Leader in Primary is a lot more fun than substituting for one of the primary teachers. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

And it's true what they say: Kids say the darn'd'est things.

Sharing Time Teacher: "And why was Noah building an ark?"

Six Year Old: "Because the OCEAN was coming!"

Happy Valentine's Day!

So, I have in the past been refering to this holiday as Singles Awareness Day, because it only reminded me of the fact that I have no Knight in Shining Armor to whisk me away into the sunset. However, I have decided to be less stupid/self-deprecating/annoying and make this holiday enjoyable for myself.

Thus, my new Valentine's Day strategy.

Instead of focusing on the frustrating/non-existant love life I have right now, I choose to celebrate the fantastic love life I will have in the future. I have complete faith that I will someday find true love and get married and live happily ever after; and just because I don't know who my one true love is at the moment, doesn't mean he isn't out there!

So I will use today and every Valentine's Day hence to focus on the happy idea of my true love being out there, looking for me. I shall buy myself chocolates and roses, because I assume He would do so if he only knew where to send them. And I will write Him a letter, a letter to my one true love, and when I finally know who he is, I will have a mass of Valentine's Day letters to him from when I didn't even know for sure that he existed!

...Which he will probably find really nerdy and ridiculous, but my One True Love will, of course, love that about me.

Another Interview

I had an interview with a Mr. Johnson/Jones/Something from Princeton today at the BYU Museum of Art. I wasn't as worried about this one for several reasons: 1) I didn't know far enough in advance to have time to stress about it. 2) It was only a half hour long. 3) I had already gone through an interview and knew what to expect. It went quite well, and I found out a lot of things about Princeton. It apparently has a beautiful campus with a lot of history. Albert Einstein died there, and there's a building on campus that still has the marks from British cannonfire from the Revolutionary War. Plus, if you hop on the train it takes about as long for us to get to Salt Lake as it would for me to get to Philidelphia or New York City. Cool weekend trip, eh?

Anyhoooooooooooo....

No. That's really all I have to say right now. Except that it's Valentine's Day next week. And Friday the 13th. And a million choir things. So maybe life will be more blog-able then. Ta-ta.

Senior Ball

The Senior Ball was so much fun! I thoroughly enjoyed myself . . . until about 9:30. The dining was a lot of fun, and it was great to be with only the seniors, and at first the dancing was fun, but then I realized that almost every song they played sounded just like the last one.

Also, there was the problem of slow-songs.

At first, I chose the slow-songs as the perfect time to go get a drink or get some air simply out of a self-protecting habit. I HATE standing around hoping that some guy with ask me to dance. I HATE feeling like an object on the shelf waiting to be bought. And mostly I am really embarrassed a lot of the time because when it comes to Stag Dances, I just don't get asked to dance very often. So instead of letting the boys get to decide whether or not I was going to dance, I took matters into my own hands.

But then Eric grabbed my arm as I was coming back in and asked where I had disappeared to. I innocently pretended I had no idea what he was talking about. But I knew things had just gotten worse. I saw him talking to Logan and Jeremy and glancing over at me, and I realized I had just become a charity case. I could see it in their eyes. "Oh no! Jessica's not dancing and having fun! Well, since we're polite and want everyone to feel included, one of us should ask her to dance."

I would not stand for this. Truth be told, I desperately wanted to dance. But I wanted to dance with someone who wanted to dance with me because he LIKED me, not because he FELT SORRY for me. And now I couldn't trust any of their motives. If I danced now, how could I not have doubts about why?

So I avoided it some more. I saw them glancing over to make sure they knew where I was, and then when they looked away I left early. I knew another slow-song was coming and so I inched towards the door. I made it. I made it through the entire Senior Ball without dancing. Yay me.

I was irritated with myself. I wanted to dance. But then again, I really didn't want to dance just because I was pitied. And so when Logan came over to say he had been looking for me, and why did I keep disappearing, I responded, "As if anyone really wanted to dance with me."

"As if me and Eric didn't look for you."

"Because I was a charity case."

"What?!"

"I hate standing around waiting to be bought. I saw you guys feeling sorry for me. I don't want to be a charity case!"

"You're not a charity case!"

"I don't believe you."

"Whatever. I really wanted to dance with you."

(sadly) "...I don't believe you."

(testily) "You don't have to!"

And then I walked away most dramatically, hitting myself in the head for ruining things yet again.

I don't want to appologize. I told the truth. I really don't think they care above their own politeness. We used to be best friends. I thought they still wanted that. I still wanted that. But they found new friends, a new group. They were never as popular as when they stopped hanging out with me. And I try to come back in. And they try to let me in. And then I realize they don't need me anymore. And I still need them. And thus, I'm pathetic and stupid.

...
...
...

(*crawls into ball in the corner*) Go away. Leave me alone.