Staring

Golly, everyone I walk past is staring at me.
It must be my sexy new haircut, 
and not the fact that I'm trying to cough up a lung.

Samson Complex

It's true. I've got myself a Samson Complex. A beautiful lady chopped off my hair and I lost all my strength.

Maybe I should go back to Friday. I've got some 'splaining to do.

One day I woke up and I realized I wanted to get a haircut. A big one. And I wanted it bad, because as soon as I decided I wanted it cut, all the hair on my head became 200 times heavier. I felt like I had strands of steel coming out of my head, and they dragged me down. I thought for sure that getting a haircut would make me feel lighter than air, and maybe give me some enthusiasm to channel into my schoolwork.

So last Friday, I went in to see my lovely hairstylist friend, and she happily chopped off seven inches of my hair. I had worn braids going in, but coming out I didn't even have enough hair for pigtails. My long and tangled locks have turned into a short and sassy 'do. I was very pleased.

Until the next morning, when I woke up several times before dawn with a hacking cough that ripped my throat and shriveled my lungs. That's right. I had been visited with the charming Bronchitis bug. And I had it bad. I spent the whole weekend lying on the couch and moaning. Oh, and coughing until I thought I was going to throw up.

It didn't get better for a long time. I called work off for the entire week to see if I could sleep myself better; I skipped my dance class, my Spanish class, and any other class I could get out of without killing my grade. But I still had to go to school. I spent five hours in the library on Monday finishing an annotated bibliography, and many more hours finishing a project for a different class. I did the bare minimum, and spent the rest of the time...resting.

I'm feeling much better now, thank you, but I'm still coughing and feeling drained of all energy. Thus, I haven't posted on my blog in quite a while. So . . . hi. I'm still here. And I'm craving honeycomb.

(Reference joke!)

My Marvelous, Perfect Life

I just got in from my tennis lesson, and thought I'd jot down a few notes before I hit the shower. I can't take much time though, because Henry will be here to pick me up for the charity banquet at eight o'clock. (I think I'll wear the midnight blue Chalét with that diamond necklace I got from my aunt last Christmas. I'll put the pictures up later!)

Since I had the day off from classes, I decided to get a bit of work done. I got up at six to go for a nine-mile run - just to get the blood flowing, you understand - and when I got home I made a gourmet breakfast for my family. (Really, it was no work at all. Cooking comes so naturally to me, it's just like breathing.) It only took two hours to clean the entire house, so I repainted the siding and patched the roof as well. Honestly, I was rather bored by around noon. I wished I had some homework to do, but of course I'm all caught up on my assignments - and two weeks ahead ! (That research paper took no time at all, I was almost disappointed.)

None of my students are in school, so there was no tutoring to do either. I sat at my piano and composed a couple of sonatas to pass the time before my deliverance finally arrived: a phone call from my dear friend Gustav. He was going spelunking and wondered if I might come along. Well, of course I said yes! I told him I needed to be back by five for my tennis lesson, so we took his helicopter to the mountain, to save time. (Gustav is such a tease; all this talk of me modeling for his paintings... I had enough of being a model during my time as Miss America last year.)

While in the cave, I found several promising artifacts from the Mozati tribe (easily identified by the quadratic motif) and a full skeleton of the Brontosaurus! It was very exciting. I cannot wait to take my findings to the museum tomorrow. It took a bit of time, though, so we dove over the waterfall in all our gear to reach the helicopter faster, and I just made it in time for my tennis lesson.

Michael is such a wonderful coach! When I beat him three out of five games, he was so impressed that he took me out for ice cream afterward. He told me he'd really developed a fondness for me, and wanted to see me taken care of. (He's not so sure about Henry; he seems to think dating the prince of England could put a strain on my life. I've told him, this isn't my first "foreign affair" as it were. Lol!) I invited him to bring his wife along to the charity ball, so that he can meet Henry in person and see what a charming man he is. (Prince Charming. How perfect!)

Well, I'm nearly out of time. I know nothing particularly excited happened today, but I feel it important to chronicle my daily happenings. It should prove useful if I ever find the right author for my biography. (I've had several offers so far, but really, don't you think they ought to wait until I've had a bit more life to write about? When I'm 25, I'll consider allowing the book.)

Speaking of books, I've just sold the movie rights to my latest novel Slightly Slanted. So circle the month of July 2013 on your calendar, and I'll save you guys a seat at the premier!

All my love,

Jessica Dreamland

Zoobie Zombie

Because

+

=

WIN

"Oh, Greg, look at how the snow sparkles in the headlights," Jenny cooed, pointing out the window in awe. "It's like being in a snow globe."  This was one of the things Greg liked most about Jenny; she didn't take things for granted, and she saw beauty in everything. He smiled as he drove, watching her out of the corner of his eye as she leaned back contentedly against the seat. "This is the happiest I've ever been."

"Me too," said Greg. Who would have thought that after only five weeks at BYU, Greg would be looking at engagement rings. He hadn't even known Jenny until that first week of church in their student ward. He couldn't imagine how he'd ever lived without her. Greg took a hand off the steering wheel and grabbed her own small hand in his.

A warm silence filled the car, and when he glanced toward her, he saw that Jenny was looking at him with her emerald eyes. A sudden passion swept over him, leaving him gasping. Greg's mouth was hanging open, and he stared at her. He knew it, suddenly, with all his heart: she was the only one for him. "Jenny," he said, for she had glanced back out the window. "Jenny, I love y-"

"GREG!" Jenny suddenly screamed. He barely had time to look forward out the window before they smashed into the flaming wreckage, and the car started to flip.

***

When Greg awoke, he was hanging from his seat belt. He blinked a dark liquid out of his eyes, confused at the scene of wreckage around him. Their car was on its side, turned so he could see the rest of the collision's victims out the front windshield. There appeared to be seven or eight cars in the pile-up, including the two they had hit before flying into the air. No one was moving in any of the other cars. Greg closed his eyes against the splitting headache he was developing. "Jenny, are you alright?" he asked.

There was no answer. Before Greg even opened his eyes, he realized with a jolt that in order for him to be dangling sideways in the air, the car must have landed on the passenger side. And that meant . . .

Greg turned in horror to see Jenny next to him, smashed against the road. Her body was twisted against the side of the car, white against the dark blood pooling around her. She had a huge gash in her forehead, and there was a tiny trail of blood trickling out of her mouth. Her gorgeous eyes were wide open, but they were completely empty. She was gone.

"No...no! JENNY!" Greg howled. He unbuckled his seat belt and carefully got down beside his girlfriend's sad, broken body. He touched her bloody cheek with an air of disbelief. This couldn't be happening! They were going to be together for time and all eternity, and now this?! It couldn't be happening. Greg leaned over Jenny's corpse, weeping softly. He couldn't let her go. He couldn't.

He wouldn't.

The thought came to him suddenly, but fiercely. He wouldn't let her go, that was all. At once his weeping was over, and the education he had sweat so much to obtain finally came to his rescue: he was a biochemistry major in his senior year of undergraduate studies. Suddenly, looking down at his departed beloved, he saw instead a chemistry problem to be solved. She had lost almost all of her blood; could he create a chemical that would perform the same function? Yes, he was sure he could. And if he could do that, then he wouldn't have to lose Jenny at all.

A siren's wail pierced the cold night air. Greg looked back out the window to see that the police had finally arrived. It looked like they'd called out the entire Provo police force. They'd come and take Jenny's body away from him, once they saw her. Greg looked at her battered face for one last moment of hesitation before all of the emotions inside Greg seemed to disappear. A single thought took over his entire being: I can fix this. I can fix this...

With steady but quick movements, Greg climbed out the broken frame of the window, carrying Jenny's corpse along with him.

***

It was good that they had been so close to campus when they'd crashed. It was also good that Greg's job as a custodian allowed him access to the buildings at all hours. He stole into the Eyring Science Center, relieved at finding the building completely empty - not unusual at this time of night, on a weekend. He hoisted Jenny up higher on his shoulders. Nothing seemed to be broken or protruding out of her body, that was a blessing. But he was getting blood everywhere. He'd have to find a mop and clean that all up before morning. He found a small laboratory on the fourth floor, laying Jenny's body on the table. He got out the equipment he would be needing, barred the door, and then set to work.

***

Hours and hours later, it seemed, Greg was leaning over Jenny's continually inanimate body, completely exhausted. He had tried everything he could think of. He'd cleaned all her wounds, stitched up what he could, and replaced her blood with a manufactured compound. He had just finished running the new serum through her body and finally unplugged the IV. He was breathing heavily, watching, waiting . . . . nothing.

Greg let his eyes close, tears of pain and exhaustion welling up behind the lids. After all he had done, could it really end like this? "Jenny," he whispered mournfully.

He felt a soft hand on his lips as she said his name, "Greg?"

His eyes blasted open and he stared down at his one true love, his eternal companion to-be. She was much paler than she had been before the accident - in fact, her skin had a blue-greyish tint to it. Her hair was matted with dried blood, and she had haphazard stitches across her forehead and left cheek, but her eyes were the same beautiful color they had always been. "Greg," she said again, her split lip lifting in a half smile. "Why are you crying? Is something wrong?"

"Oh, Jenny!" Greg said. He pulled her to a sitting position, then kissed her soft, cold lips fiercely. When he pulled away, he caressed her head stitches and said, "No, nothing is wrong. Ever again. Because we're going to be together. Forever." He wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"Forever," she said, happily. Unseen to Greg, her eyes widened slightly, and she sniffed at a delicious smell that seemed to be coming from under his hair...

The End?

(*smiles wickedly*)

In the next part, Greg and Jenny develop their odd romance as they try to figure out the strange new behaviors Jenny has picked up. She will eventually figure out that she's craving brains, and once she loses control, she will spread the disease, becoming the mother of all zombies. And thus it is a biochemistry student from BYU who sets off the Zombie Apocalypse. Tada!

I imagine there's quite a market for this stuff. There's already at least one very famous English Major from BYU who's made a lot of money with this romance-between-the-living-and-the-undead stuff. I'm just jumping on the bandwagon!

Thank you, Ms. Meyer, for the inspiration.

P.S. "Zoobie" = BYU coed

Hello again, School

Yup. School's started again. And I'm taking charge of my life by not being depressed about it. See?

Oh, yeah: My post last week with the frowny face. Hm. Yes, I can see why that might lead you to think I was depressed. Well, you'd be correct: I was depressed. I am not so now. And it was really just one big fat stupid incident that ruined my entire day yesterday, but it's mostly in the past and not worth worrying about. But don't worry, I will divulge.

Depending on how long you've been stalking me following my blog, you may remember a post I did last September about stupid college textbooks. It's all to do with my $150 book becoming obsolete halfway through a class and me being required to buy a brand new $170 book to finish the course. I thought I could beat the system by dropping the class and taking it this semester instead, when I could buy the book used. However, recent events have proven me impotent against the will of Evil Textbook Makers, and I have found that I still cannot get the book anywhere except at the BYU bookstore, and so I can't rent it or get it used. I was forced yesterday to fork over $176.00 for a textbook I shouldn't have to buy (and might I add, one that isn't even BOUND. It's just a bunch of loose sheets of paper). It is infuriating and I do not wish to talk about it any further because that will only lead to a downward spiral and I don't have time to kill anyone today.

(*deep breath*)

Let's talk about something happy. Like my Country Western Dance class!

Yeah, I know, this is not a picture of country dancing. (Who country dances in a suit?) But all of the pictures I could find of actual country dancing were of old people for some reason. Weird.

Anyway, I love country dancing, and I am REALLY excited about this class. Country music is far from my favorite to listen to most of the time, but I think it's some of the best music for dancing. It's all bouncy and exciting! So far we've learned two dances: the Cowboy (a line dance) and the Shoemaker (a square dance). And I keep dancing them when I'm not in class, to practice and to make people confused. The only thing this class lacks is boys. We need boys. BADLY.

Besides Spanish (stupid.textbook.hate.dumb.growl) and Country Dancing, I am taking four other classes this semester. Church History [from the Martyrdom of the Prophet Joseph Smith to 1901], American Literary History, Writing Literary Criticism, and Physical Science. Nothing much to say about any of these at present, except that we watched a 20 min clip from Stargate during my first Writing Literary Criticism class - and it was AWESOME.

Also, I have made some headway on my New Year's Resolutions! In the way of #4 (watch at least 12 of my friends become married people) this last week I received word that two of my high school friends are now engaged...to each other! This was not surprising at all, however, and my reaction was mainly that of "Well, it's about time!"

In the way of #6 (being social and making new friends) I have really worked hard to start up conversations with people in my new classes instead of waiting for someone to talk to me. I've made a couple teeny connections with that, but the bigger news is that I have become reacquainted (almost accidentally) with one Jimmy Moore.

You remember him? No, probably not. Well, here's a blog post from Fall 2009, when he first became a significant character in my life. He lived in my apartment complex last year, and our two apartments were good friends. His significance mostly comes from the fact that we went on a couple of dates and realized we were both total nerds. Also, he was my "first kiss."

Anyway, I ran into him on Friday when I had run back into one of my classrooms to get something I'd left behind. He was sitting on a bench playing a computer game on his laptop, and (being more socially proactive these days) I swallowed my fear that I wouldn't be recognized and said hello. He was very surprised to see me, but also apparently pleased because he moved all his stuff off the bench so I could sit down and talk for a while. (A while = one hour, apparently.)  We caught each other up on where we were and what we were up to, and mostly just talked about nerdy things. Except I expanded my socializing still further. (Wow, I am like a force of nature!)

He's the president of the Nerd Club (that's not really what it's called, but it might as well be) on campus, and they're having a meeting next Tuesday night, and I said I'd come. See?! See me branching outside of my own domicile?!

So let's see, that's 10 points for reestablishing and old acquaintance, plus 20 because it's a guy who took me on a few dates a while back, and 50 points for going to a club and making a horde of new friends!

I am becoming continually more awesome.



EDIT: Since you all asked, and also because I'm pretty sure it's not a secret, the engaged pair I mentioned are Kyle and Lauren. They've been practically engaged forEVer, so it's no surprise either.

:(

A New Tab

Ladies and gentlemen, if you would kindly direct your attention to the top of your screen?

Yes, to the blog title. (Singing Devil. Clever, isn't it? No? Well then, on we go!)

Underneath the blog title, you'll see I've put something new. They call it a blog description. Now, you have to admit, the blog description's kind of fun. Unless you're not a Trekkie, in which case you may not realize that I totally stole that intro from Star Trek (Original or TNG, take your pick). If this joke was lost on you, you have my condolences.

But let us continue on down the screen. Oh! What are those?! Tabs?

"Oh my, I've never seen anything like THAT on here before!"

That's right, random citizen! Those are new. Sort of a Welcome 2011 present. New year - new gadgets, you know. I've decided to finally put up one of those About Me pages, for the sake of those two page-views I had from Australia. (Hi, Aussies!) You see, it occurs to me that you may not actually know who I am, or if you do know who I am, that you are unhealthily obsessed with reading stuff I write. So I wrote a page to tell you a teeny bit about myself, in the hopes that it will enlighten those of you who have no clue who I am, and will feed the blog-fetishes of those of you who just really like me for some reason.

Anyway, it took a while to write, so I will not waste any more time talking about it. I simply wanted to make you aware that it was there, and invite you to peruse it at your convenience. Enjoy!