43 Days: Two Masters

"No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon." (Matthew 6:24)

If you're like me, the first question that popped into your mind when you read this scripture was, "Who the heck is mammon?"

The bible dictionary says that "mammon" is an Aramaic word for riches. But, having been poor most of my life, riches have never been something I needed to be slave to. So I always thought of mammon as another word for Satan. Either you serve God, or you serve Satan. Pretty black and white, I thought. And so I thought that I was doing pretty good as far as this was concerned. I live a good life, for the most part, and I don't make it a habit of serving Satan.

But I found out that mammon isn't really Satan. At least, not for me. Mammon is like a placeholder for whatever it is that captivates you. Whatever it is that you adore, that you seek out, that you try to appease.

I realized that, for me, mammon means school.

That's right; I said it. BYU is wresting my soul from the Lord. But it's not so much the school's fault as my own. Plenty of people who go to BYU don't have the problems I have. (They probably have other problems, but that's beside the point.) BYU is a religious school, and provides for many opportunities to come closer to Christ. But it is, after all, a school. And that means it is my biggest distraction.

School is my master. It owns me (literally; that's the downside of having a scholarship). School tells me where to go, when to be there, what to do when I get there, and what to do when I leave. I give school my time, my money, my whole life. School tells me what I'm worth.

This is bad. For lots and lots of reasons, this is bad. But it's also true. I may not like school, but I devote way more time and effort to school than any other entity in my life. Including God.

It's a terrible way to live. It makes me miserable. And having realized this, I've had to make some mental corrections on my behavior. (I say mental because they're in my head, but haven't quite made it to my habits yet.) These things may sound obvious, but they weren't for me. For me, it was really a hard mental adjustment; one that sprouted from a fountain of truth, but still shocked and surprised me.

1) It is more important to read my scriptures than to read my textbooks.

2) It is more important to talk to God than to talk to my teachers.

3) It is more important to pay my tithing than to pay my school fees.

4) It is more important to do service than to do my homework.

Now, don't get me wrong. School is important. School is very important. But the big idea - what I have been trying to learn - is that school is NOT the most important. It is very confusing to try and shift my entire life around as I make this priority change, but I have faith that if I can refocus my center on the Lord instead of on school, I'll be much better able to keep my balance. And I'll definitely feel happier.

It's just the change that's so hard.

Today's Movie: "Private Eyes"