Now that I'm out of high school, I figure: Who needs wisdom?!Yes. It is officially Thursday, August the 6th, (happy b-day, Amanda) and today is the day that I get my face yanked off. But no worries. I'll be on LOTS of drugs.
I've decided that the reason none of my friends were ever afraid to get their wisdom teeth out is because they all did it before they were eighteen, and therefore, their parents signed all the paperwork for them. Well, I had to sign my own paperwork, and it's all pretty much six pages of:
Getting your wisdom teeth removed will have consequences, which MAY INCLUDE, BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO:
* Lots and lots of bleeding.
* Massive drooling.
* Sudden loss of feeling in the general area of your face.
* Possible dislocation of the jaw.
* Nose cave-ins akin to the late Michael Jackson.
* Frequent seizures.
* Less frequent heart attacks.
* Strokes, mini-strokes, and extra-large-strokes.
* Sudden failure of the lungs, liver, kidney, pancreas, intestine, brain, heart, stomach, bladder, head, shoulders, knees and toes, eyes, ears, mouth and nose.
* Uncontrolable urges to dance on the roof.
* Cancer. Swine Flu. AIDS. Hiccups.
* Pelvic Thrusts.
* Fluency in German.
* Obama-rama.
* Etc. Etc. Etc.
p.s. it's possible that tiny goblins will nest in the empty sockets and develop an intrinsic culture in your face, but we've only had that happen twice.
So, yeah. If you're reading this after 10:00am on Thursday, I am now recovering from oral surgery. So take comfort in the fact that you, unlike me, are not a swollen bloody chipmunk. And I will take comfort in the fact that I, unlike you, am stoned out of my mind.
4 comments:
Sorry kiddo, it's Grandma's fault.
Heh, don't worry about it too much, sweets, the chipmunk thing isn't so bad, and the drugs are a wonderful thing. Of course, by this point your teeth are already gone, and so telling you this is pointless, but y'know, e for effort.
I wonder if the drugs made your cheeks as puffy as that one photo.... tee hee hee
A thought strikes me, Logan. It seems like any man who was a TRUE GENTLEMAN would never keep a potentially embarassing photo of an honorable lady. It seems to me that the gentleman would surrender his blackmail-ish photo at once, without hesitation, to preserve the honor of the lady in question.
Don't you agree?
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