Ahem. Attention, inferior ones. I would like to make an announcement regarding my overwhelming awesomeness.
As you may very well be aware, I attained a rather high GPA last semester through a combination of brilliance, sleep deprivation, and Ramen Noodles. When I received my grade report, it delivered with it a boost of confidence sufficient for me to put the knife down and leave my wrist alone, as well as the opportunity to be tarred and feathered by a group of my fellow students. I was content. I expected no further reward.
However.
An envelope arrived in the mail yesterday with my name printed boldly across it. Contained therein was my ticket to prestige, my certificate of ingenuity, my chance to finally rise above the pitifully average and achieve my proper station in life. It was an invitation to be inducted into the 3rd oldest national honor society in America, Phi Eta Sigma.
Because you're never truly cool unless you're in a club with a Greek name. Can't you just see it?
Jessica Grosland - her long, brown hair straightened and glistening in the spring sunshine - walks with two other girls, all of them laughing, all of them wearing matching outfits: short black skirts and colored blouses. Jessica, whose blue blouse makes her eyes sparkle radiantly, continues her story, "And then I said to him, 'Puh-leeze! I was doing differential calculus when I was sixteen!'" They all laugh again. The other students' conversations die off and they all watch in envy as the Sigmas walk by.
. . . Ew. I don't think I could STAND to be in a sorority. (P.S. Phi Eta Sigma is NOT a sorority. And yes, I want to buy a sweater with the Greek letters on it.)
Anyway, in other news, I'm applying for a new summer job. Because waking up at 3:00 am is hard enough during the school year.
Let's have a guessing game! See if you can figure out what job I'm applying for from the pictures below. (Go one at a time. The fewer pictures it takes you to guess it, the more points you earn.)
You got it! I've applied to work as a BYU Sports Camp Counselor! (See? That was fun, wasn't it?) It's a really sweet job, where I'd have a dozen or so teenage girls to look after for a week at a time, from 4pm to 9am. I get to supervise them at Seven Peaks, at dances, at talent shows and movies, etc. So that's pretty awesome. Also, I get paid $225 a week, plus room and board, plus free meals at the Cannon Center all summer. Bada bing!
So, since it's such an excellent job, tons of people are applying. I turned in my application (complete with photograph, resume, ecclesiastical endorsement, and letter of recommendation) yesterday, and I have an interview scheduled for next Tuesday. The competition's going to be fierce, so wish me luck!
...this was a really long post. Like, it's so long that even I'M sick of it. Bonus points for making it all the way to the end!
17 comments:
Feeling a little full of yourself today? I guess that's better than depressed -- I'll take it.
Wahoo!! You are the coolest EVER!! I wanna be a cheerleader in sports camp group!! Pleeaasee??
Congrats on everything Jess! thats really cool... we all knew you were amazing... when you're the richest girl at our high school reunions, and I'm a poor artist who lives in a box you'll remember that I saved your life right? :)
0_o *feeling utterly uncool*
You are cool Gros. :D And also, I guessed what job you were applying for BEFORE I even saw the first picture. So THERE.
Mom: I did warn you. When the phrase pompous is in the title, you have to know I'm going to be big-headed.
Breanna: I want you to be a cheerleader too! If I get the job, you can come with me, and I'll tell them you're my personal motivator.
Moses: How could I forget the man who saved my life? Particularly when you remind me of it every time I see you?
Beth: You get 75 points for guessing right before looking at the pictures. Even if you did cheat . . . ;) P.S. You're approximately and eternally 5 billion times cooler than me, so don't feel lame.
You and your sorority sisters can't wear those little short skirts at BYU. So that part of your story wasn't believable but the rest of it was. Very cool and not surprising at all. I hope you get the sports camp gig. You'd be great at it.
Dona: You'll notice I didn't say "mini-skirts." Short is a very relative term. To me, it means at the knees. And those are totally allowed at BYU.
Beth may not get to feel lame, but I definitely do. I've given up trying to match either of you in coolness or intelligence. Good thing I know how to stand around and look pretty, or I may cause you and Beth to lose face and you wouldn't let me hang around with you anymore ;)
Anyway, I knew what the job was already, but I got a little excited at the first picture... I think you should definitely apply for a job as a Mustachioed plumber with super powers... Much better than any camp counselor, but whatever floats your boat, man. Good luck :D
Also, lame though I may be, I can at least say, with pride, that I have a swell cleft in MY chin like Gaston.
Good luck with the job! When I saw the one of the counselors I wondered if you were applying for a job as an annoying lady with bad hair. You wouldn't get that one. :)
ps I need your email so I can send you a link to look at as we are preparing for a duet! Heard of Stevie Wonder????
Nevermind... got it!
You totally have this job in the bag. If they don't hire you, they're nuts!
Of course you are great. You're my daughter. How could you not be?
Erin, How could you be lame? You're my daughter's friend. That in it's self makes you one of the coolest people ever!
I FOUND YOUR BLOG!!! WAHOO!!!! You are hilarious, I am so excited to read this one!!
Congrat (even if it's not a suprise!) on the grades and good luck on the job....Not sure you'll get anymore sleep though (4 p.m. to 9 a.m. watching a bunch of teenage girls who will never sleep!)
Short means to the knees in this house too, although kneeling on concrete for the skirt police on campus looks very uncomfortable.
Just to confirm your I.Q. This is what I got for your job.
Mario, tangled in the net, trekie smiling geek people.
Glad you posted the answer to the quiz, 'cause I was totally lost. Actually, my definition of your possible new job could be a synonym for youth soccer coach, don't ya think? LOVE YA! HA!
Wow, I think I heard of this (the job)! that's great! I hope you get it! :D
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