I've discovered the void that has been bothering me lately. (Well, one of them.) It is hard to see sometimes, because they never teach you to look for it, and yet it springs up everywhere, becoming wider and more pronounced as High School goes on.
It is a void between worlds.
On one side, we are still innocents. Despite knowledge and age we are still children at heart. We see the world through young eyes; we're not necessarily naive, just inexperienced.
The others are in their own world although they do not know it. They have evolved, surpassed our primitive state of being. They've become something more.
The void that seperates us?
A kiss.
Maybe not even that, maybe they just have a boyfriend/girlfriend. But once your friend has had that first kiss, or entered into a serious relationship, you can no longer truly relate to them. They have been changed, somehow. They aren't the person you knew yesterday. Whatever happened last night changed them.
And you'll never be able to really connect with them again until you, yourself, cross that same threshold. It's a coming-of-age thing. In the way adults regard children, your point of view will seem laughably miniscule to them; they, who have seen the truth of the world. They can't take you quite as seriously as they once did, because you're still just a kid in their eyes.
And, sadly enough, they may be right.
(*sighs*)
I feel left behind. I've watched so many friends get into these "relationships" and I've watched how it changed them, made them older (and hopefully wiser) in a way. And while I hold fast to my conviction that my peers and I are not ready for relationships, that it's far more advisable to wait until college before getting serious, I cannot help but be consumed with an instinctual jealousy. A natural drive to find companionship, as so many of my friends have done. But there are a few problems with that:
1) I still think that relationships should wait until I am ready to devote myself and my life to someone.
2) While I want nothing more than to find true love, I am also completely terrified of it.
3) I'm Jessica Grosland. And a relationship would require a man willing to put up with me.
So for now, I"ll just philosophize and leave the rest to my more experienced peers.
1 comment:
While I can agree with you on some points, I really don't agree. A relationship/kiss doesn't necessarily force someone to grow up. In fact, I know it doesn't. Boys I've kissed act extraordinarily childish. And I didn't "grow up" any when I was in a relationship. I learned things by breaking up with those boys and getting out of those relationships. Now, the real question is, is that a lesson anyone wants to learn about? And does it require a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to learn anything?
As for first kisses...
well, I tease everyone, and tell them to kiss the crap out of...well, anybody. It shouldn't create a void though. You will find someone wonderful for you, and be so happy! Until then, don't be jealous.
Regina Spektor sums up my apathy the best in this case.
"And if you kiss somebody then you both get practice."
:D
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