I am afraid of spiders.
Terrified, actually. I am the person they had in mind when the powers that be created the word "arachnophobia." My fear of spiders is transformative; when I discover a spider on my body, I become an entirely different person. I can't remember my name. I stop caring about the well-being of others. I lose brain function, screaming and flailing uncontrollably until the spider is catapulted to a safe distance.
So I probably shouldn't operate heavy equipment in the presence of arachnids.
Anyway, I think about this phobia of mine fairly regularly. (Though not usually at night. Nighttime is when I try very, very hard not to think of spiders.) And when I think about it, I understand that my fear of spiders is completely irrational. I go through all the arguments that I've heard a thousand times from well-intentioned and entirely clueless friends:
A spider is just a bug, like a fly. You're not scared of flies, so why be scared of spiders?
Yes, some spiders can hurt you; but most are harmless.
Spiders are actually very helpful. The world needs them.
That spider is probably more afraid of you than you are of it.
See, the thing about a phobia is that it doesn't have to make sense. Because it has nothing to do with your brain, and everything to do with your instinct to flee. If your body is convinced that the only way to stay alive is to GET AWAY FROM THAT THING, then you'd better believe that's what you're going to do.
I've lived with this a long time. I'm used to it. It doesn't surprise me anymore.
Until tonight, when I realized that I feel the exact same way about men.
Okay, not exactly the same way. I don't have to cringe away from photos of guys or avoid thinking about the creepy way they move. But when a guy becomes romantically interested in me - or if there's even the suggestion that he might be interested - I lose brain function. I stop caring about the well-being of others. I can't remember my name.
And I can't swear that I've never flailed and screamed.
It is ridiculous. Once I've gathered my senses, I'm always embarrassed about the lunatic performance I've put on. Just as with the spiders, I think often about my humiliating fear and the absolute lack of reasons for it. And the same arguments run through my head, rephrased.
A man is just a person, like a woman. You're not scared of women, so why be scared of men?
Yes, some men will hurt you; but most are harmless.
Men are actually very helpful. The world needs them.
That man is probably more afraid of you than you are of him.
But remember the thing about a phobia? It doesn't have to make sense. Because it has nothing
to do with my brain, and everything to do with my instinct to flee.
. . .
. . . . .
. . .
I think the solution is obvious: I need to face both my fears at once.
Clearly, I need to date Spider-Man.
4 comments:
I thought you and he were engaged?
Dear Jessica, I totally understand your fear of spiders. I tend to cringe myself when I see a spider. What I like to do with my fears is try to study them and see why it bothers me so much.
For example: I hate mummies. I used to be quite afraid of them. I now just hate them. This is due to the fact that I studied mummies a little bit and have thus overcome the fear of them. I have done a tiny (very tiny) amount of research on spiders.
At any rate. I also understand your fear of men. I won't say a lot other than the fact that I have been hurt by a man before and that caused me to be kicked out of my past school. Dating is frustrating for me because I'm one of the few girls (or so I feel... irrational belief) that doesn't get asked out much. The last time I got asked out besides on Valentines Day with a very good friend who I wish wouldn't have taken me on that date was about two years ago or so with the man who hurt me.
Yes. Guys are scary. Sometimes though, just like with my fears, you should try to face them. Recently, I've gotten a guys number whom I find attractive. Though I highly doubt this will get me anywhere, I have tried to ask guys out on dates because again, I don't get asked out.
Well, Jessica, I hope this has been somewhat helpful. I hope that when you do find that right guy, that he will melt your heart and you'll be swept away. This man will probably love you very much and will be willing to deal with spiders so you don't have to ;) hehe.
I thought Spider-Man was your favorite hero. Maybe if you run into both fears at the same time you can over come them
Clearly you need to go live in Alaska in a clan of super old married tribesmen. :) I will visit you.
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