Facebook

"You don't have a Facebook?!"

Generally, when I'm being asked this question, the person who's asking looks shocked that I'm still alive - as if I've admitted to not breathing. Sometimes I wonder if the follow-up question will be "Do you treat fevers with leeches, too?"

Get a grip! I want to tell these people. We didn't even have internet 25 years ago. People can get along without being hooked up to wires all the time! I never rarely say anything like that, though. I usually just politely say that I don't need a Facebook; it's my choice, and I don't begrudge them theirs. (However, on occasion I have been known to insist that one day the government will use Facebook to turn all of mankind into zombies, and that by keeping myself apart I am preparing to save the world. I don't really think that, though. I just want to be Will Smith from I, Robot.)

Over here, I have had the Facebook issue come up a million times, and it's been kind of bothering me. I realized lately that I try to avoid talking about why I don't have a Facebook account. It's just too complicated. My reasons for not having a Facebook account have changed over the years (Wow. Facebook's been around for years!) and I have a hard time really explaining why I never signed up. But today, I'm going to try. Let's look at the reasons chronologically.

Reason #1 - It was just another fad. The first time I was invited to join Facebook, I didn't really know what it was. It was still mostly a college thing then, and nobody really used it. I figured it must be like MySpace, which I also didn't know much about because my parents didn't want me to use it. Not having a MySpace never really affected my life, so why should Facebook be any different? It was no big deal.

Reason #2 - To Be Contrary and Unplugged. Once Facebook took off and everyone was using it, I decide not to like it. I don't like the way the cyberworld is becoming more important than the real world, and I wanted to stay out of it. I didn't want to be plugged in. And, admittedly, I liked the shock factor I got from people. I'm not a follow-the-crowd type of person, and acting contrarily just comes naturally to me. So when everyone else joined up with Facebook, I turned up my nose and went to play outside.

Reason #3 - The Allure. Some people might be surprised to find out that Facebook was a huge temptation for me. I wanted a Facebook account, even as I preached against it. But I knew that I wanted it for all of the wrong reasons. I wanted it so that I could stalk people - generally boys I was too embarrassed to talk to in person. It would have been a way for me to avoid confrontation in real life, trading it for the more shallow "friend"ships of the cyberworld. It's easier to be friends with someone online than in person. But I know that there is no substitute for the rewards of real, in-person relationships. I didn't want to give myself the chance to fall to that temptation, so I drove it away forcefully. It would have been bad for me.

Reason #4 - The Unabashed Slaughter of Time. Being a fascinated observer of Facebook, I have paid keen attention to everyone's complaints about it. Some people are irritated by the games. Some are annoyed by the constant messages. But the universal concern I hear is this: "I waste too much time on Facebook." Not everyone is guilty of this - probably - but I have seen how easily people can get sucked into spending hours upon hours on their computers, checking up on Facebook. I am a college student now, with a busy life - I don't need another huge time-waster at hand to distract me from my homework.

Reason #5 - I Didn't Need It. I never switched schools until I graduated. I spent my entire life living in the same county. Almost everyone I've ever known still lives within a few hours' drive. My friends have always lived within walking distance from my house. My friends and family have always been close at hand; I see them at school, at church, in the community. Why would I need an online connection, too? It would probably just make me feel less urgent about visiting those people in person, and thereby detract from our real-life relationship (see Reason #3). No, not for me. With everyone in my life always staying so nearby, I just didn't need a Facebook. I didn't want it.

I didn't.

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Have you noticed, lately, how much I've been worried about leaving Russia? I have had the time of my life here; it breaks my heart to think that soon this is going to feel like just an amazing dream. I'll miss the city itself; the beautiful sights; the great food; the translation errors; and the whole adventure. But more than anything, I will miss the people I have come to love - the students, the Russians, the random foreigners, and especially my fellow ILP volunteers. I don't like to think about what it will be like when I don't get to see them every day. My life will never be like this again.

But . . . there's a way I can stay connected to them. I can see where they go from here, and I can show them where I end up myself. I can keep tabs on them. I can talk to them once in a while. I can still be a part of their lives.

I'll get to keep them.

But what about everything you just said? I ask myself. What about everything you've been saying for years?!

It's still true that Facebook can be a huge waste of time; but I am a practicing time-manager, and I trust myself to be wise with it. It's still true that Facebook causes a lot of people to become so plugged in to the cyberworld that they lose the real world, but I don't think that will happen to me; the other distractions of technology have yet to seize my soul (for instance, I have a cellphone, but I rarely text people. I prefer real life).

But there are some of my objections that have simply become untrue. I'm not worried that I'd stalk people - I'm not that desperate for social interaction anymore; I know how to get it in real life. Also, the days when I'd do something just to be contrary - just to stand out and get a reaction - are waning. I'm not past them entirely, but I'm working on it.

The biggest difference, however, is that my world has exploded. My entire sphere of experience used to be contained in a tiny little county in central Utah. Now, my horizons extend so far that the curvature of the earth blurs the edges. There is simply no way that I'd be able to stay in contact with these people without using the internet. So I have to decide - do I let go of all these people, and allow them to fade into memory? Or do I get a Facebook account?

I've lived twenty-one years without a Facebook. And it was wonderful. And I could go on for another twenty, forty, or sixty years without a Facebook and be just fine.

But I choose not to.

And so, the announcement: I, Jessica Grosland, am now on Facebook.