TRIUMPH!

This a a picture of my incredibly adorable sister Hannah. She has very little to do with my post today, but I wanted to use this picture because it best personifies my mood and I wanted you to have a good image in your head of celebration before I explained my triumph.

Background Information: I am taking a creative writing class this semester. The unit we are working on right now is Creative Essays, which I have been struggling with; apparently I'm not much of an essayist, because every time I've sat down to write something I just get this static-y sound buzzing in my head. Anyway, on Monday we all brought in our workshop drafts of our essays: one copy for each of the 20 students in the class, with a pseudonym instead of our real names so that there would be no prejudice and so that people would feel free to comment honestly on them in class, not knowing who they were praising or insulting.

It was terrifying. As I read all of the other essays, I couldn't help but feel like mine was weak. We were supposed to be making a list of our favorite 5 out of the 20 so that we could discuss them in class, and I remember hoping - wistfully - that mine would be in at least one person's top five. I didn't really think it would happen though. Most of the essays were two or three pages long, and mine was by far the longest; I expected people to resent it. And my topic didn't really seem that great, looking at all these deep and thoughtful ones. There were so many good essays! How could I expect that mine would stick out?

FRIDAY. We came to class with our lists. My teacher put us into groups of four or five and we each shared our list of favorites, then pick three to submit to the class discussion. In my group, we just all shared our favorites and picked the ones that had received the most votes. To my surprise, all three of my group members had picked "The Wind Holds a Grudge." (That was MY essay!)

The four groups announced their "Top Three" and my teacher wrote them on the board. For the ones that got picked more than once, he put a checkmark next to it for every additional vote. In the end, there were two that tied for most popular, having been voted for by three out of the four groups. . . . and "The Wind Holds a Grudge" was one of them!

My teacher opened up a class discussion and everyone started talking about what made "The Wind Holds a Grudge" so good. The reviews were gushing; everyone talking about how strong an essay it was and how they like this or this about it, how it had made them think differently about things and convinced them to a new point of view. One girl - who had talked about the other most popular essay with scathing disgust - said that "The Wind Holds a Grudge" was her personal favorite and that she absolutely loved it! The only real criticism it received was that people wished it was even longer!

The whole time, I just smiled and tried to blend in with everyone else; tried not to blush or say thanks. I simply watched, glowing inwardly, as a room of adults who didn't know me raved about my writing.

IT WAS WONDERFUL.

It was the first time anyone had read my work without knowing that I'd written it, without knowing me at all. My writing was being judged purely on its own merits, by people of varying ages, people who didn't have the same background as me, people who came from Alabama, Washington, Maine, California, and even London! For the first time in my entire life, I felt like maybe I did have something to offer to the world. That maybe my writing really was good enough to be published, that people all over the country - maybe even the world - would read it and enjoy it. That day, I felt like a real writer.

Needless to say, I floated twelve feet in the air all the way back to my apartment.